Operation: Untested Submarine Tracker
by pronker
Summary: What dreams may come when we have kerfuffles must give us paws. Skilene.


Title: Operation: Untested Submarine Tracker

Author: pronker

Era: After the final episode of the TV show, in which Kowalski The Penguin and Doris The Dolphin reunited

Summary: What dreams may come when we have kerfuffles must give us paws.

A/N: From a prompt on theforceDAHTNET's Sith I-5 on what U.S.T. stands for.

IOIOIOIOIO

"It's not you, it's me."

Skipper choked on the first _splurtpsh_ of his breath spray before fumbling the container. The spritzer plunged into the shallows where the underground service conduit between otter and penguin habitats ended ten feet below the cave habitat of sweet Marlene. He flailed with one foot on the rung of the access ladder to her cave and his other foot on the next higher one that was only eighteen inches below her natty paisley rag rug that _he _had given her. He tipped backwards as if he were out on a limb of a sturdy oak tree that threatened to splinter in a storm rivaling the storm in his heart. Oh no, he'd heard these words before and had even uttered them, so he knew their meaning all too well. Marlene was breaking up with him. He regained his balance with a muffled curse.

He yearned to slap his flippers over his earholes to blot out her next words, but he needed to cling to the ladder or he would plummet into the water and alert her to his presence. Her voice sounded so calm, so, so, _rehearsed._

"I'll always treasure our time together, and I'm sure you'll find another love soon."

Skipper bolstered his courage and tiptoed upwards, easing up the drainage grate just far enough to peek inside. He had been so eager to knock upon the grate for entry because Marlene had mentioned she had something special to tell him. He thought it was about them spending more time together. How wrong could one penguin get? And just listen to her! She wasn't teary, she wasn't stumbling, she sounded as if she had thought this through to the bitter end.

"I think we ought to see other people."

Oh no, the clincher. He didn't need penguin vision adapted to depths of 1,870 feet below the ocean's surface to see how this night would end. Returning of gifts, mumbles about how _we're still friends no matter what, Skipper, _and _be well, have a good life. _He wouldn't feel well for some time if things went according to past breakups. Just when he thought their relationship was tried and true, too. He peered out from under the grate, his ripped delts bracing it easily.

There she was, practicing her speech in front of her full length mirror with her back to him. She stood, paws crossed and spine stiff, and then she uncrossed her paws to clasp them shyly behind her as she toed a circle in front with a bashful white foot. Hooboy, what an actress. She sure had fooled him.

He saw Marlene switch from shyness to getting down to business as she addressed her mirror self once more. She placed her paws akimbo as she must have seen him do hundreds of times when _he _got down to business.

"What shall we tell the children?"

_clang! splash! _

"Skipper, is that you down there? Skipper? Are you okay?"

From his ungraceful sprawl in two inches of water, Skipper gazed upwards as his soon-to-be-former love appeared above him haloed in the light from the lamp that _he_ had given her. "No," he answered.

"Oh my gosh! I'm coming! Do you need the first aid kit? I'll get it out! Stay put!" He couldn't discern her face in the glow of the backlighting, but she sounded concerned enough. Well, she would sound concerned because that was her nature. She would sound concerned if Roy had fallen from a ladder, if a rhino could climb a ladder.

She reappeared just as he shook off the jarring that his brain endured from the fall and stood up near the dry base of the ladder. Humph. Here she comes, bird, play it cool.

"So you can stand, that's good, Skipper, nothing broken, right?" She clasped his waist and flung his right flipper around her shoulders. "Up we go! Put your left foot on the first step, thaaaat's it, see I'll steady you - "

All right already, enough with playing cool. "I'm okay." He rubbed his bottom after pulling away from her support. "Just my pride got hurt."

"Oh. Well, then. Can I massage - "

"No! I'll be leaving now. Forgot to check on a ... thing." He turned to re-enter the conduit's cool waters, which would soothe his pride as much as it could be soothed. He splashed glumly towards where the water deepened.

Marlene pulled him back before he got wetter. "If you're sure you're okay, don't you want to hear why I asked you to visit?"

"Not really. Got stuff to do."

If he simply left, maybe she'd reconsider breaking up with him, or she'd put it off, or - no. Best bite the bullet. "Belay that. I'll listen. Go ahead."

By Gandhi's minced oaths, she was acting like she wanted him to stay, just as she had all those other times. "Not down here, silly! Come up top." Just like a leader would have done, she didn't look back to see if he were following her, so after a minute he did. She let the grate fall after holding it up for his entrance and then bustled about being a hostess in her space. "Tea and coffee soon!"

He plotzed on her bed and after a wise look at his wince, she pushed him down flat. "You need tenderness, Skipper. Lie back and rest your pride." She brought out two mugs and waited for the water to boil. She tipped the mugs' rims together while making kissy noises, which made him a little sick.

He put two and two together and came up with five. "I don't get it, Marlene."

"Tea for me, coffee for you."

"Not that, I mean what were you doing faffing about in front of the mirror saying those things and what did you mean about children? What aren't you telling me?" Good grief of General Gage, he had deployed Private's Britishism of _faffing about._ He must be more upset than he thought, but his question had blown her cool and it felt good to see her jump.

_crash! tinkle! grit!_

"Look what you made me do! My favorite mug that _you _gave me!"

He observed her tidy up the sharp detritus for safety's sake, safety that he had lectured the whole zoo about. He shouldn't complain that she followed his directions, but he did.

"Forget that. Are we breaking up _¿o qué?"_

She placed the china shards in her garbage can, her back to him once more. Her shoulders shook. Aw crud, tears. This was going to be messy. He'd better establish a beachhead with the most serious, the most _important_ intel straightaway.

"First things first. Are you p- "

_Laughing_ was what she was doing, doubling over as she turned to face him, slapping her paws on her thighs, thoroughly amused at his words. "N-N-N-No!" she gasped. "It was R-R-Rico's idea!"

The world stopped revolving. "You're dumping me for Rico? I could understand Kowalski, but Rico? That makes as much sense as dumping me for Private!"

Tears coursed down her muzzle, regretful tears, or were they cruel tears? Was she cackling over his distressed face? He got mad, and somehow he didn't think that made him more attractive although when she got mad she looked prettier, but to hell with it. "Don't explain because you can't. You're free as of this moment and I'm free and I'm semi-okay with that so long as I know you're not p- "

"_No._ Set your mind at ease because there are no complications. No Rico, either, except, well, he does give rather good - "

"Spare me the details!" It was difficult to stay mad while lying down, but he managed it.

"- stage directions. For his play. You know, his play for the Thanksgiving Talent Show?"

Play? "You mean _How Could You Believe Me When I Said I Loved You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?"_

"Riiiight, the one he based on the musical number from the movie that was based on the life of the actual actor who starred in the movie oh it's complicated. That one."

_skreeeeee__**WHEEEOOOOOOOooohh**__hhh_

"Water's done! Coffee's ready, it's instant but that's all I have. Here." He scooted to the far side of her bed to allow room for her to sit. The world stayed in limbo as he grappled with the revelation of what she had been actually doing.

Skipper never would know how long it took for the world to recommence its revolutions, because Marlene passed him the mug that _she _gifted him with after sipping from it. "Ick. Not my choice, but hey, it's caffeine. I'm tired from rehearsing." She kept her gaze on her paisley rag rug, kicking at the tufts sticking up in its rough weave.

He took a long pull at the mug after leaning up on one elbow to study her. "Rehearsing."

"Rico said I ought to practice lines before a mirror, well Kowalski relays Rico's stage directions more verbally than Rico could, but the idea is sound, don't you think? Gimme some more."

He took back the mug after she drained it halfway. "Good idea about rehearsing. Good idea." He sat up and played with the mug's handle, inserting his flipper into the hole so that both flippers cupped the ceramic. Sasquatch's sober face regarded him in the painted on design until he covered up her judgmental brown eyes that were two shades darker than Marlene's.

"Don't judge me, Marlene. I thought when I overheard you rehearsing that you practiced how to tell me we're through."

"I know you did and I apologize for getting a little hysterical. Why would you think that we were breaking up? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Yes."

"Don't keep me hanging, Skipper."

He swallowed the rest of the coffee fast, too fast, and started to talk fast, too fast. "I think we ought to take a road trip together because you never really knowsomebodyuntilyoutravelwiththem." There, Skipper. That came out all right with _no_ rehearsal, go you.

She looked blank. "I've never thought about traveling because I like where I live. I guess it's okay to travel now that I don't turn feral anymore if I stick one _teeeensy_ whisker outside the zoo. I'd like to think it over."

Baby steps? He understood completely, plus he would help. "I could advise you on where we should go because I've been around - "

"Don't brag."

"Poser."

"Says the kettle."

They still weren't quite back on track, not just yet. A tried and true tactic was to divert attention to other couples. "You know, since Doris and Kowalski heated up again, I've brainstormed a mission involving her and him, but you know what?"

"Suuuuure, I'll bite, what?" Her face was open and friendly, shading towards normalcy. Just a little more effort, Skipper, and then we put our - _your - _qualms out of their misery. Because let's face it, you would have been in for a spell of misery if she were no longer in your life in that special way. You would have had to see her day after day in the zoo and protect her along with the others as you grind through the duties that make up your existence. She makes your life better. Hmmm, you introduced another couple as a sidebar, so now redirecting onto work might prove a good move.

"It will take some work on your part, Marlene."

"I'm not afraid of work. Go on."

Ahah, that sounded as if agreement peeked over the relationship horizon, just a tinge of a sunrise as his OCS instructor in Officers Mentoring Manual Statute Number One: Getting To Yessir had put it. It would be okay to trust her with this classified intel. It had to be. "Well, the Big Boss issued us an untested submarine tracker and Doris could help us test it by acting like a submarine. Another thing is, Kowalski could use a break from his lab to get out in the field and, um, I originally planned the mission for three but you could join us, too. Rico and Private stay behind to set up the hologram doodad featuring Faux Skipper and Faux Kowalski now and then so our zoo overlords don't get suspicious seeing only two penguins for a long Columbus Day weekend."

She thought of others and he'd always liked that about her, plus she was smart. "That's a month out yet and since it's a Monday federal holiday, the zoo will be packed with kiddies. It's important not to disappoint them."

"We won't. Kowalski programmed his hologram doohickey to mimic the whole team smiling and waving when we went on our last vacation. He'll tune out Rico's and Private's jiggly hologram input so they provide realistic back and forth with the humans and he'll leave himself and myself inself, I mean intact."

"Uh huh, that's nice but how about me in my habitat?"

Static of the holographic variety in his plan? Nah, no way, José. "I'll order Rico to hork up an extra display thingamajig, and Kowalski will program it to your specs, lady. Faux Marlene will bow and curtsey to the kiddies."

Nicely done, Skipper! Covert ops drill for Rico and Private, field mission for Kowalski and yourself, testing of vital ordnance via an impartial civilian on a kinda-sorta double date: you are at the top of your game. He kept the satisfaction from his face, though, because she hadn't said yes.

"Mmmmm." She fiddled with her bib of white fur, swirling a claw through it, brows raised, glancing at the easel containing her latest work. He had played poker with this animal. He ought to be able to sort this _mmmmm_ from others. He yearned to signal Routine Thirty-four: Stay Still Until I Am Finished because now she began to jiggle her foot.

"Kowalski and Doris need couple time since they have a long distance relationship. You can sketch a record of our testing progress for my log like he usually does, so he can spend more of the long weekend with her." Don't guilt her into this, don't.

"Mmmm." This _mmmm_ he'd never heard before. Uh oh.

"You could show off your acting skills when Kowalski does motion capture or however the hell he got us to shimmy in a hologram, I had my mind on our next mission when he did ours and I forget." Shut up, Skipper.

"Mmm."

"I've dreamed of us traveling together and if it takes a kerfuffle like this between us to make the dream a reality, then so be it." By Corregidor's march, don't get pathetic.

"Mm."

He was not going to hold his breath until she answered, he was _not._

IOIOIOIOIO

The End.

IOIOIOIOIO


End file.
